Do You Need Fixing?

walking

I don’t intend this blog to be ALL about my jobs but as I have big changes again this week- I thought I’d fill you in. (Read more about my new job here and here.) The first few weeks were pretty rough, and there were moments where I felt pushed to the limit and felt tempted to quit the whole thing.  Sleepless nights and stressed out days take a toll, but I wanted to get past that “new” phase to see what the job would really be like once I got the hang of it- I figured after a month I would have a good idea.  This week, I finally reached a point where I felt competent, fairly on top of my to-do list at work, and somewhat less stressed at home. And it has been a month exactly since I started.  But I found was that no matter how quiet the day seemed, or how happy I was when the day started, I still felt tired, grumpy and stressed when the day ended.  I was still having trouble sleeping some nights and didn’t feel up for living my life- all my time was either work or recovering from work.  So yesterday I gave my two week notice.  I even had an interview today for an AWESOME job that I am thrilled to have found- so I may have a new job before this one even ends. But regardless of all this wonderfulness, part of me wondered if I hadn’t learned the lesson that this job was meant to teach me.

I believe that every challenge we face is here to teach us some lesson.  We may not know what it is at the time, but there is some purpose.  If we fail to see the lesson and learn it, we repeat this challenge over and over again until we finally “get it.”  All along I thought that this job was here to teach me how to be calm a midst the storm. That if I could be happy, calm, and sleep well despite a crazy job, I would have succeeded.  And honestly, I never really got there.  I did stick it out long enough to see things get better and to see that I am strong enough to get through a very challenging situation.  I even felt more present in my body and in the moment while at work.  But I never really reached a point where I enjoyed my job or my life outside of it during this time- so I couldn’t help but feel I had failed my assignment. 

But then today I had a thought, and I think it’s a good one.  While it’s true we all need to learn to be present- what if there’s another lesson here as well?  Can I be okay with the fact that this job is not a good fit for me- and that it does not mean I’m any less of a person because of it?  It doesn’t make me weak or a failure or less acceptable.  It’s just not a job I’m suited for.  I know at times in my life I have looked at friends and thought- WOW- that job is a terrible match for you.  You are so unhappy and it’s no wonder at all.  I wasn’t thinking, “Gee, you’re really quite lazy or weak because you’re not suited to this job.” I was thinking, “They need to quit that job ASAP because they are gifted in so many ways- but this job doesn’t fit with those gifts AT ALL.”  I had been replaying all month the jobs I’ve have which have stressed me out and thinking I was needing to FIX myself because I get stressed by work.  But I was forgetting about all the jobs I have actually loved, the ones that were fun and easy for me.  I think that accepting ourselves as we are is one of the most important lessons we can learn as humans.  To be aware of our strengths, and avoid jobs and situations that require us to spend large amounts of time doing things we aren’t so good at. And to accept all of our parts- even the uncomfortable ones that don’t fit with society’s standards. In light of that, let me tell you what this job has shown me:

  1. I hate multitasking- it’s inefficient and stressful.

  2. I love being outside in nature every day. Going from dog walking to a desk job was not fun.

  3. I am so freaking excited to be focused on my own business again.  I love being an entrepreneur.

  4. I love talking to people- but I want to be able to give them my full attention (See multitasking above.)

  5. Honestly, I don’t want to work 40 hours a week for someone else- for myself, doing work I love, sure- but not for someone else.  (This one is the hardest for me not to feel guilty about.)

Now it’s your turn: what are some of your strengths and weaknesses, your loves and hates?

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